What does it mean to Comfort Those Who Mourn?
Empathy, the capacity to feel another’s suffering, is hard-wired into most human beings from birth. Social scientists say that this instinct to reach out to others serves an evolutionary benefit by helping communities to survive through mutual aid. We all mourn at times and need others to console us and accompany us as we recover. By comforting one another, community bonds are strengthened and those who suffer are restored.
When we think about comforting those who mourn, we typically think about those who have lost someone in death. But in addition to death, people mourn many things: the loss of a job, the dissolution of a relationship, a move to another city leaving behind friends, a loved one who is still living but no longer the person they once were, a pet's death, physical health deteriorating, and so forth. We also mourn as communities, especially following violent events such as war and mass shootings and the killing of innocent persons. Communities mourn destruction of the environment and water supply, loss of civility in everyday life, gentrification, and other injustices. The process of comforting is not a quick fix. There is no magic word we can hear or say that makes everything better. Mourning is a journey with many twists and turns. It requires patience for both the one who comforts and the one who mourns.
When we think about comforting those who mourn, we typically think about those who have lost someone in death. But in addition to death, people mourn many things: the loss of a job, the dissolution of a relationship, a move to another city leaving behind friends, a loved one who is still living but no longer the person they once were, a pet's death, physical health deteriorating, and so forth. We also mourn as communities, especially following violent events such as war and mass shootings and the killing of innocent persons. Communities mourn destruction of the environment and water supply, loss of civility in everyday life, gentrification, and other injustices. The process of comforting is not a quick fix. There is no magic word we can hear or say that makes everything better. Mourning is a journey with many twists and turns. It requires patience for both the one who comforts and the one who mourns.
Learn more about Comfort Those Who Mourn
Learn more about the theological foundations for this practice.
Foundational essay |
Introduction video |
Comfort Those Who Mourn practices
Comforting others involves knowing and naming loss, being present to one another as we grieve, and hearing God’s promises that speak words of abiding hope into our experiences of loss. Comforting one another is not a destination but a journey; making peace with loss and gaining the strength to live through to the other side doesn’t happen in a moment. It does not proceed in a straight line or on a fixed timetable. It is a journey that requires patience for both the one who comforts and the one who mourns. The framework for the unique Christian practice of comforting those who mourn includes being present, hearing God’s promises, comforting others, and sharing God’s promises.
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Other ways to Comfort Those Who Mourn
EVEnts
See all of our upcoming events at www.fpclex.org/upcoming-events.
Sunday Supper
Sunday, January 28 at 5:45PM
Assembly Room
This month, as we continue to explore what it means to comfort those who mourn, DESCRIPTION. (Please RSVP so we can plan for your participation.)
Sunday, January 28 at 5:45PM
Assembly Room
This month, as we continue to explore what it means to comfort those who mourn, DESCRIPTION. (Please RSVP so we can plan for your participation.)
Just Lunch
Saturday, January 27
FPC Kitchen & Assembly Room
Come provide a comforting ministry of presence with our neighbors experiencing homelessness. You never know - our neighbors might be a comforting presence to you, too! Click the button below to email Mike Skidmore, FPC Just Lunch Coordinator, to RSVP to help out.
Saturday, January 27
FPC Kitchen & Assembly Room
Come provide a comforting ministry of presence with our neighbors experiencing homelessness. You never know - our neighbors might be a comforting presence to you, too! Click the button below to email Mike Skidmore, FPC Just Lunch Coordinator, to RSVP to help out.
IN WORSHIP
Here's more about how we'll explore the practice of "Comfort Those Who Mourn" in worship this month.
January 7: Show Up
Often, the first and important step is just showing up. When someone has experienced loss, what they need is for others to remind them that they are not alone in their loss.
January 14: Name Loss and Receive God's Comfort
Before we can engage in the practice of comforting those who mourn, we must recognize our own loss and experience our own grief.
January 21: Comfort Others
There is no one right way to bring comfort, care, or support to others. But there is a collection of practices that have proven to be most helpful over the years.
January 28: Share God's Promises
At the heart of the church’s mission is the proclamation of the promises of God to a broken and hurting world.
January 7: Show Up
Often, the first and important step is just showing up. When someone has experienced loss, what they need is for others to remind them that they are not alone in their loss.
January 14: Name Loss and Receive God's Comfort
Before we can engage in the practice of comforting those who mourn, we must recognize our own loss and experience our own grief.
January 21: Comfort Others
There is no one right way to bring comfort, care, or support to others. But there is a collection of practices that have proven to be most helpful over the years.
January 28: Share God's Promises
At the heart of the church’s mission is the proclamation of the promises of God to a broken and hurting world.
ADULT FORUM
You can participate in the Adult Forum class in-person or on Zoom. More details are here.
Holy Communion: Remembering Forward
“Communion” draws the assembled congregation to participation in a short drama meant to preview where the whole cosmos is headed. The drama moves from the past into the present and serves as a down payment on a transformed future. In words and actions, we are given a tiny taste of a universal healing that is bigger, grander than we have imagined, as though projected in full color on a big screen.
Ron Byars served several pastorates before retiring from the faculty of Union Presbyterian Seminary as Professor of Preaching and Worship.
Holy Communion: Remembering Forward
“Communion” draws the assembled congregation to participation in a short drama meant to preview where the whole cosmos is headed. The drama moves from the past into the present and serves as a down payment on a transformed future. In words and actions, we are given a tiny taste of a universal healing that is bigger, grander than we have imagined, as though projected in full color on a big screen.
Ron Byars served several pastorates before retiring from the faculty of Union Presbyterian Seminary as Professor of Preaching and Worship.
VIDEOS
Use these videos from our "Follow Me" curriculum resources to spur your own thought, or as discussion starters in your household, small group, and beyond.
Week 1: Recognize Injustice
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Week 2: Check Your Prejudice
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Week 3: Speak Up
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Week 4: Do The Work
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Further video resources on Comfort Those Who Mourn:
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These videos are meant especially for kids and/or their parents.
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BoOKS & OTHER RESOURCES
Books
Websites & articles
Podcasts
Children's book recommendations
- Everything Happens for a Reason (And Other Lies I've Loved) by Kate Bowler
- Hope: A User's Manual by MaryAnn McKibben Dana
- A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
- The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen
- Learning to Walk in the Dark by Barbara Brown Taylor
- Healing Spiritual Wounds by Carol Howard Merritt
- Healing After Loss by Martha Hickman
Websites & articles
- Resources for what to say and what not to say from Kate Bowler
- Resources on grief from Kate Bowler
- 6 things to say (and not say) in terrible times
- Managing big emotions with mindfulness for kids
- Ten Essential Children’s Books About Grief For Church And School Libraries, And Home Use (+ Additional Resources) from Traci Smith
- "The Best Way to Comfort Someone When They're Sad" by MElinda Wenner Moyer
Podcasts
- The Bible for Normal People: Amanda Held Opelt - The Honesty of Grief
- The Bible for Normal People: Jonathan Jong - Faith & the Fear of Death
- The Bible for Normal People: Jeff Chu - Grief as a Biblical Practice
- The Bible for Normal People: Becca Stevens - Reimagining Scripture for a Suffering World
- The Bible for Normal People: Kate Bowler - The Prosperity Gospel & a Theology of Suffering
- Everything Happens with Kate Bowler: Being Church on Our Worst Days with Liz Tichenor
- Everything Happens with Kate Bowler: There’s No Good Card for That with Emily McDowell
- Everything Happens with Kate Bowler: Loved and Chosen with Anne Lamott
- Everything Happens with Kate Bowler: Don’t Come Out Empty Handed with Rabbi Steve Leder
- Everything Happens with Kate Bowler: Number Our Days with Tom Long
Children's book recommendations
- A Little Blue Bottle by Jennifer Grant
- Psalms of Wonder by Carey Wallace
- Sitting Shiva by Erin Silver
- Grandpa’s Window by Laura Gehl
- The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld
- A Little Spot of Empathy: A Story about Understanding and Kindness by Dian Alber
- One Thursday Afternoon by Barbara DiLorenzo
ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN
God's Calling Cards
Make God’s calling cards to share with friends who need comfort. Cut index cards into 2" x 31/2" pieces. Decorate them using simple phrases that share promises from God such as: “God loves you”; “God is always with you”; “God is all around us.” When you know someone who is sad and grieving from loss, give them a calling card with a reminder of God’s promise to keep with them.
God's Promise Rainbow
Look around and find, imagine, or draw:
Do You Want to Build a Snowman?
Watch the YouTube video “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" After the video, grab some play dough, Model Magic, or something similar and make a snowman, or some other object that represents something comforting as the snowman did for Anna. As you create, discuss:
Make God’s calling cards to share with friends who need comfort. Cut index cards into 2" x 31/2" pieces. Decorate them using simple phrases that share promises from God such as: “God loves you”; “God is always with you”; “God is all around us.” When you know someone who is sad and grieving from loss, give them a calling card with a reminder of God’s promise to keep with them.
God's Promise Rainbow
Look around and find, imagine, or draw:
- five red things and give thanks for them.
- four yellow things that bring you joy.
- three green things that help you live a healthy life.
- two blue things that lift your spirits.
- one purple thing and recall one of God’s promises.
Do You Want to Build a Snowman?
Watch the YouTube video “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" After the video, grab some play dough, Model Magic, or something similar and make a snowman, or some other object that represents something comforting as the snowman did for Anna. As you create, discuss:
- Why is Anna sad?
- Why is Elsa sad?
- What do they do when they are sad?
- What do you do when you are sad?
- What has helped you when you were sad?
- When has been a time when a friend or family member needed comforting? What did you do?
ACTIVITIES FOR YOUTH
Rewrite Psalm 23
Hear, read, and then rewrite Psalm 23 in your own words. This psalm may be the most well-known psalm in the Bible and that it is often read for comfort. There are three parts to the psalm; listen for them as you first hear and read the psalm.
First, read it aloud. Then, wonder together (or by yourself):
Next, read the psalm again and then rewrite the lines in your own words. You don’t have to stick with the shepherd imagery if you would rather choose another such as “The Lord is my teacher,” “The Lord is my [sport] coach,” “The Lord is my grandparent,” and so forth. When you are done, share your newly imagined Psalm 23 with your family. Wonder why is it comforting to oneself and others. (If you'd like, you can also share your rewritten psalm with Chris Teesdale and the church will share your writing!)
Pocket Stones
Make pocket stones with a fingerprint heart to give to those who are mourning, reminding them that they are not alone; God’s love and your presence are always there for them. Using any kind of clay or modeling material, roll a ball of about the size of a cherry. Then flatten it into a thick circle. Using your pointer finger, make a heart by pressing your finger, into the clay at an angle one way and then the other, making a “V” shape. If you don’t like the look of it, you can roll the clay into a ball and try again! Set aside to dry and make more. When your pocket stones have dried, give them to people who know who are in need of comfort.
Hear, read, and then rewrite Psalm 23 in your own words. This psalm may be the most well-known psalm in the Bible and that it is often read for comfort. There are three parts to the psalm; listen for them as you first hear and read the psalm.
First, read it aloud. Then, wonder together (or by yourself):
- What was the first, second, and third part of the psalm describing?
- What did you imagine as you were hearing it?
- What promises of God did you hear in the psalm?
- How did it make you feel?
Next, read the psalm again and then rewrite the lines in your own words. You don’t have to stick with the shepherd imagery if you would rather choose another such as “The Lord is my teacher,” “The Lord is my [sport] coach,” “The Lord is my grandparent,” and so forth. When you are done, share your newly imagined Psalm 23 with your family. Wonder why is it comforting to oneself and others. (If you'd like, you can also share your rewritten psalm with Chris Teesdale and the church will share your writing!)
Pocket Stones
Make pocket stones with a fingerprint heart to give to those who are mourning, reminding them that they are not alone; God’s love and your presence are always there for them. Using any kind of clay or modeling material, roll a ball of about the size of a cherry. Then flatten it into a thick circle. Using your pointer finger, make a heart by pressing your finger, into the clay at an angle one way and then the other, making a “V” shape. If you don’t like the look of it, you can roll the clay into a ball and try again! Set aside to dry and make more. When your pocket stones have dried, give them to people who know who are in need of comfort.